Attention Span.

12:30am and still doing homework. A byproduct of doing qnotes in front of the computer and checking facebook/gmail and reading blogs and the news every five minutes.

My blatant lack of focus is bad for my health yet I persist in my procrastinating ways. Perhaps I am addicted to the Internet? Or maybe I have no attention span?

I think that its my mindset, that I find the homework to be little more than menial labor. Honestly, I know it. I'm just taking the notes for that elusive 10/10 on my notebook check. If I had a choice, I don't think I would ever take extra notes. I think the time would be better spent learning something. Maybe then, I would stop hitting refresh on gmail or facebook every so often.

Oh well. Back to my notes..

Listening to: This Cold Black-Slipknot.

Moving On.

"You say you know how it feels inside of me
Lost and alone with no love or luxury
Come on inside
And hear the silence constantly judging me
Don't you think you should move on?"
-Love and Luxury-Korn

Move on. Simple, right?

To purge the mind of memories past, of unsatisfied desires, of unrequited love...
To let the experiences fall from once-tightly clutched hands that have opened. And they spill like grains of sand, everywhere.

I don't want to let go; I want to hold on to everything.

And what if it was never reality, just a desire yearning to be sated...?

Insecure? Most likely. Pathetic? Probably, but hopefully not.

Or simply, alone.

Pulling Brume

The weekend was filled with activities: volleyball, piano lessons, volunteering for CSF, and homework.

I think I liked what I did for CSF the most. On Sunday, we went up Foothill Park in Palo Alto with some people from the Park to remove brume. I expected a short hike before reaching where we were to start pulling with the weed "wrenches," but actually, it was a 40 minute hike.

When we got there, we had to go off the trail and begin navigating our way a precarious slope. One slip, and one might find themself at the bottom of a very large hill and a few broken appendages. The most amusing incident was when Han lost his shoe and had to go a considerable distance down the slope to retrieve it. Something else of notable interest was that Holden attempted to cut off Ethan's achilles tendon with a small saw blade (on accident, I hope!)

Ending Break on a High Note

Usually I'm in an introspective or reflective mood, but today, I'll just be excited and ramble about the day.

So, Day 2 of Far Western Qualifiers @ San Mateo Event Center.

Summary: We won the tournament and got a bid to the Open Division of JO's for 16's. Yay!

Details:
Came out and beat Renegades in 2 short games.
Beat SCVC in the first game, coming out strong. Then, we got crushed in the second game, but we managed to keep it close, losing 23-25. 3rd game a close battle, but we lost by 2 or 3 points.
Then, bracket play began.
Struggle past B2B 16-2's. I think the 2's had the notion they could beat us. No way!
Then comes Diablo Valley. We win in 2. The 2nd one was a huge struggle. Keith was the hero, serving 6 in a row bringing us from 17-24 to 23-23. Then we win it, 26-24. Yay!
This means a bid to the Open Division for JO's and a trip to DISNEYLAND! Can't wait for that.

Now comes the finals for seeding and pride. SCVC 16 QS vs. Bay to Bay 16 Nike Black.
I got to play! (: I didn't do a great job, but I guess I was ok. I got a block and a kill. I seriously need to stay behind the setter. And we won in 3! (insert the explosive cheering and celebrations, hugs, high-fives, and everything) Props to the whole team (:

And on that note, winter break is over. I think these last 24 hours have been the most memorable part of the two weeks.

"Bay on 3! 1..2..3..BAY!!!"

Adversity.

San Mateo Event Center Day 1.

A pool of four and a pool of five for the 16's division.
The teams in our pool: Diablo 16-1s, NCVC 16-1s, Club VIP 16s, and us.

Opportunities number one and two dangled before me, but I didn't seize them. That fault lies with me. Missed serves, missed hits, not always closing the blocks, little errors that should have been eliminated from my game. I know I can do it, staying focused and playing better.

If I get another chance, I must seize it at whatever cost, pay the price and do what I am asked. There is no room for error to stay at the precarious top. Hands from below constantly claw, attempting to dethrone the ones that have risen above. And so, the players on the court can't make the stupid errors; they have to be trusted to do their job well.

Trust is earned, not bestowed. Only opportunities are ever given, and each of them is precious. Use them wisely, and trust builds. Squander them, oh well...might not be a next time...

Pool Tomorrow: SCVC 16 QS, us, Renegades?

Team.

Hey.

"Why weren't you there?"

My whole team went to USA High Performance Tryouts for volleyball, except me and someone recently recovering from an injury. Does that put me in the outsider category? Am I not as good as them, not as dedicated to this sport?

Doubts begin to swirl in my mind, but then the slightly more calm and rational voice in my head tells me I have other priorities. I have to visit colleges this summer (according to my parents) and stick to my plan, my goals, what I should be doing in life.

I am reminded, sports are only a form of recreation, not a way to get into a school for higher education. I know. I know. I know.

But sometimes I wish I were out there on the court. I love volleyball. That's why I play.

Sometimes it threatens to take over my life, sometimes it means I can't do something else.

I gladly am skipping Winter Ball for a tournament in LA, I'm willing to give up my weekends for practice.

But sometimes, I don't feel like I'm a part of anything. Not completely devoted to sports, yet not able to fit into the academic discussions and go to every study session for clubs.

Where to go?

San Mateo tournament tomorrow. (: That's where I'll be at. With my team playing volleyball.